Ok, so I was off from HPI yesterday in observance of MLKJr day, so I got up at like 10am and went and bought a laundry basket. From Wal-Mart. This was a mistake, as Wal-Mart brand anything is of horribly low quality. This laundry basket does not have even 1/2 the strength of my existing laundry basket. But it was 4.53, and the dollar rules all, so I bought it anyway. It works okay. I need two baskets because of the unbelievable volume of dirty clothing I have amassed in 14 days. I bought the laundry basket so I could go to the Laund-Ro-Mat and do all my Laun-Dry. Well, I got there at like 12:59. Unloaded all my clothes, got everything ready to go, looked at my watch, 1:10pm. Start up the laundry (4 washers!), sit down, read my book. 5 minutes goes by and all of a sudden, 8 people show up to do their laundry. So they’re doing their thing, and then WHAMO 4 bums walk in to do their laundry. Dallas was among them. Remember Dallas? Wanted Mike’s g/f, Annie? Yea. So I’m sitting there, doing my laundry, trying to save my nose from their odiferousness. Eventually my 4 loads finished, and the people at the Laund-Ro-Mat were like wolverines on a fallen antelope carcass, if they have those down under, fighting scratching cursing to get to the washer. I then proceeded to take up 4 dryers. You may not know this, but at the average Laund-Ro-Mat there are approximately 2 washers to every dryer. In this case, 18 washers, 9 dryers. So the fact that I took up 4 washers was not a huge deal, despite the volume of people. However, I smiled in glee as I single-handedly took up nearly 50% of the dryers. You should have seen their faces as I loaded my stuff. Hahaha. Among one of them was this tall thing girl who had been rather good company so far. Everyone else was either a bum, who stayed away from me as I am a formidable twenty something yuppy who doesn’t like homelessness, or they were people who were unwilling to chat to pass the time. So I put in all my dryer stuff, and when I was done, I happily gave up my dryers to the nice young good-company girl. People were staring, mouths agape at this breach of first-come-first-servce. I, however, did not care. I hung around a bit, talked to the girl and at approximately 2:32, left. Notice that it is one hour and twenty two minutes this time, including chatting time. This is because I have refined my laundry-loading-unloading-drying skills and schedule. Jack is gone from HPI. This makes me sad, as the workload is heavier. Despite that, I feel a little better because (with regard to the network)I can basically do whatever I want, when I want. Despite *that*, it sucks to not have someone to bounce things off of. James has moved in. He’s a good roommate because he is clean. He likes to talk about his penis a lot, and tends to point at it very often and then quip “were you looking at my crotch!?” He also enjoys playing computer games, which is OK in my book. Did I mention that he’s clean? He has bad parts, though. One being his penis-loving, the other being his incessant nipple-grapping. I think that the second one is taken care of though, as I told him he’d “get a five-knuckle sandwhich if he did it again”. I no longer fear nipple-pain when near him. It is nice having a roommate who is normal. You hear that girls? All the ladies in the world? We no longer have a nutcase in the house. Sure we have a guy who may leer, a guy who may drool and a guy who may run away and hide, BUT IT IS SAFE NOW. GIRLS, PLEASE COME OVER. AGAIN, WE ARE NOT SCARY, NO TONY, IT IS NOW SAFE, COME OVER. I have nothing else to add, except this cool flash came from Craig – I got a 323.4, give it a whirl: [L=http://1337-face.dk/pingvin.htm]http://1337-face.dk/pingvin.htm[/L]
2004-01-20 17:28:22 – The Disco Nova
Oh I will still grab your nipples. I just will expect to get punched in return.
2004-01-21 00:32:39 – Paulie
First off, did you get that girls name and number? C’mon man, what is the secondary fucntion of the laundromat?!?!?! TO HOOK UP! Glad that things are working out with James. If he’s up for Vegas, invite him along…. The more the merrier.
2004-01-21 03:58:12 – Girlie
…remind me not to look at archives. old smack is not something i need to be aware of. for the record (not that anyone’s gonna know what im talking about) I DIDNT SEE YOU GUYS! im not usually a bitch on purpose 🙂
2004-01-21 07:57:00 – Manny
Randal, do you really see yourself as a yuppy? C’mon dude, you don’t even have any standard yuppie accoutrements, like a BMW, or other yuppified car, a Patek Phillipe watch, etc… Trust me, I’m familiar with the species and have dedicated myself to thier eradication. You are not a target.
2004-01-21 10:10:59 – BIG BROTHER
I like yuppies, I throw them out of my casino all night long. Plus yuppies have other wonderful traites. 1.) They squeek real loud when they get punched but aren’t rich enough to actualy call there lawyer even though they vehemously say they will. 2.) I like towing there cars. The look on their faces is priceless. Observation cameras in valet are nifty devices that allow you to record and play back that moment of wonder for repeated laughs. 3.) They will believe anything an officer will tell them. You can lead them around in circles for hours. This is fun right up to the point they are broke from passing to many slot machines. Then they are prime canidates for expulsion. Then they can try to find their car. I.E. #2. 4.) They keep the food/bev. supervisor in a job telling them they have had enough and are cut off. Thus the advent of angry yuppie syndrom. I.E. #1. Then they can try to find their car. 5.) Some times when the casino is feeling magnanimous, they will let these people have some of their money back in the form of a jack pot. This is good because in their small ritual of defiant celibration they end up giving most of said jack pot away to greedy staff anf officers in the form of tips. TIP, Noun.=Def./ The act where as a patron stupidly gives up even more money in the belief that they are acting hauty and will receive better service. In actuality they are just handing out free money. 6.) It is just plain fun to handcuff them. Expecialy the liqered up hotties! 6a.) Liquered up hotties are fun to observe (torture) in the lock up room. This can also be video taped for future laughs at friday night officer only partys. 7.)Yuppies are highly desposible. After you have had your fun with them and they are in a semi-liquified state, you simply dump them out he back door of the security area and call the sherrif and tell them that someone just got hit by a car and needs to be removed from casino property. Yo, Rando! whazzz up! watch out for the laundromat monster. They are very good at pretending to be a volumtous female who pretends to be interested in you. Really this is a trick to get you to lower your guard by using your natural copulatory instincts against you in an effort to gain entry to your house wherein they will rip you off blind! If you are lucky you will detect this ruse early before to much damage occures. If not then they may continue to leach off of you for years in the act of marriage. MARRIAGE, Noun=Def( The act wherein a male gives up all happyness in his life completly in the hopes of gaining intercouse maby once per decade.) BIG BROTHER.
2004-01-21 10:52:00 – CountJorganVonStrangle
omfglmfao that is funny as hell, i laugh at your laundromat stories of such funnyness!!! i love the flash too lol JoeY
2004-01-21 10:54:32 – Lance
Sick ass pingwin game it was wild!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMOMOMOMOMMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMMOMOMOMMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMOMOMOMOMMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMMOMOMOMMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMOMOMOMOMMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMMOMOMOMMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMOMOMOMOMMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMMOMOMOMMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMOMOMOMOMMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMMOMOMOMMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMOMOMOMOMMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMMOMOMOMMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMO
2004-01-21 11:11:17 – realbighead
who invited the peanut gallery?
2004-01-21 11:53:18 – WC
HAHAHAHHA that is the funniest post I have read on your site in a long time! I say ‘keep up with the funny posts cuz funny posts GOOOD, depressing posts BAADD’ ok, now to read the comments 🙂
2004-01-21 14:16:36 – Netheus
thats a cool game, specially when you hit the penguin in such a way that it lands head first in the snow!! Tee Hee!!!
2004-01-21 14:39:26 – WC
Quote of the net: [i][b]Luke 14:26[/b] says, "If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother…he cannot be my disciple." Pretty cool, huh? So, if you hate your parents, you are already halfway to becoming a True Christian™![/i] Remember Kids, you too can have a [l=http://www.animaldefense.org/ps2.html]free ps2[/l] just for accepting jesus!
2004-01-22 11:37:59 – ytcracker
u goofs
2004-01-22 16:54:36 – Netheus
Luke also sez, "May the force be with you."
2004-01-23 13:39:36 – Froggie
just a side note- that post from big brother might have been funny as hell had someone been able to use the english language correctly. i’m still wondering what a "volumtous female" is. 🙂
2004-01-23 13:43:26 – The Disco Nova
Wow randalll, your site is getting popular enough to attract anom coward trolls.
2004-01-23 14:25:15 – rand0m
As they say, The path to power is littered with stupid fucks getting in the way. 😉
2004-01-24 15:01:17 – BIGBROTHER.
Dear other site browsers, I am sorry that my atempts at levity didn’t meet with your stringent aprooval. I am oonly tryinge too add sum fun to thee party. I’m also sorrry that I can’t spell as good like you. I are only trying to have funs wit my long lost bru’der. But it seems that he feels that I am a, how did he write it, a "stupid fuck". I’m sorry to have disturbed you. I guess if that is how you really feel about others maby you should re-examine your narrow little world. You know at one time I thought that beeing "COOL" with your friends was the most importaint thing too. Then I grew up and realized that beeing seen as cool didn’t realy mean jack shit. Soon all you little under age geeks will enter the real world and find out that beeing cool simply gets you eaten alive by the real movers and shakers. I get a real laugh out of people who think that they are smarter that everybody else. They think they are so superior just because they might use a computer a little better, or they might be all uppity because they can use big words because they so edumucated. That and a buck might get you a cup of coffee. So for all you superior genius types let me wipe that safe little smugness out by giving you a head start to what realy counts in life, not that selfish little fantasy land you think you live in. 1.) your only safe until the world finds you, so keep hiding. 2.) The only thing that realy counts is that you work hard. Pay your bills and stay on the good side of a jail cell. 3.) Family are about the only people you can count on. Even then the old saying nobody screws you like family. Plus the wonderful fact that everybody else will screw you raw if given half a chance. 4.) Make as much money as you can because there is always sombody out there trying to take it from you. The longer you dilute yourself the easier you make it for them. 5.) prepair for old age cause it’s coming for you. You might feel invincible now but that’s just what it wants you to think. Just wait till you turn at least 30 and cheese is no longer your friend. 6.) Not all self important computer nerds turn into Bill Gates. In my law enforcement profession I have personaly seen that most end up as stupid ass janitors in a basement some place eaking out barly enough resources to keep that computer of theres going. Sorry to say that is there only conection to the world that didn’t want them anyway because of their aditude. 7.) The only people that realy count are the normal average joes out there who even in the face of all that life throws at them find the strength of charicter to be kind to others, even if it "puts them out" a little. So I’m sorry to have butted in, you all can go back to sleep now. But let me remind you of one little thing first before you go, if you have an open site on the web you are offering a free invitation to anybody to look at it. Even though you have the right to say any snotty little thing you like, you don’t have the choice to keep others out. The web belongs to the world. Otherwise go back to passing secret notes to each other in the third grade. Nice to make your aquaintance rand0m.org. Now I know what kind of person you have grown up to be and realize I don’t know you at all. Maby that might be a good thing. Good luck and good bye. P.S. the spelling mistakes are because I’m such a "stupid fuck" to use a spell checker.
2004-01-24 15:10:49 – BIGBROTHER
P.S.S. If Disco nova if we are all such a bunch of coward trolls and such, why don’t you start signing your real name. I signed mine. I only asumed a monicure like you just to play this game. Beside it’s more fun to put a name on a toilet wall than a website adress. The trolls.
2004-01-24 17:08:17 – randal
Wow, way to think the world revolves around you. "Stupid fucks" and "trolls" were referring to the totally worthless posts by CountJorganVonStrangle and Lance. Feel free to alienate yourself and not come back — your choice, not mine. As for the real world, I am pretty sure that we all have a firm grasp on it. For that matter, I don’t think anybody here is underage. And, for what it’s worth, generally the only people who have any animosity towards the bourgeoisie are those people who feel they cannot attain the same successes for whatever reason (which is usually a personal issue, not a god-given problem). Granted, the working Joe makes the world go round, but the smart guys who can "use a computer a little better" or who can "use big words because they so edumucated" get to decide how and why Joe does what he does. Having been Joe before, I’ll tell you that it’s for the birds. Label me as intellegentsia / uppity / geek / smug / "superior genius type" and I’ll probably thank you – because it means I’m not digging ditches.
2004-01-24 18:34:05 – The Disco Nova
I’m sorry, most of the people that post here know me. I am James, one of Randalls roommates. I was posting about froggie whining about your spelling, something that irritates me. I said she is an AC because she didn’t leave an email address for us to tell her how much we love her. I don’t have an issue with you. You should prolly apologize to Randalll. I don’t care if you apologize to me or not, but Randall is one of the vanishingly small group of family members of yours that is still rooting for you as I hear it.
2004-01-25 10:24:18 – Froggie
First of all, what makes you believe that I am a female? Second thing is that I don’t try and make myself sound smarter than I really am. If I wanted to read a poorly written essay, I would teach Jr high school.
2004-01-25 12:54:27 – WC
WHOA!! Such the honstility here. First this site barely gets two comment posts a week and now we get posts every so often hours. Heh. And now the posts are so hostile. Big Bro. You seem nice. Don’t take things so personally. Most of the posts here and posted half jokingly. I took me a while to learn that, and I nearly killed randal and aquantences on more than one occasion. So some/most of the posts are not aimed at you as they are the entire comment history. As for the spelling of words, we all make mistakes, just some of us spell better/faster (without a spell checker) because our jobs rely on it and others just because we are talented enough to do it. Randal, please please please finish the html writer for you site, cuz this sucks, i can’t read half the comments any more. Which is lame. And froggie, jesus, dood. wtf. Have respect for other peoples opinions, spelling, ideas, etc. If you don’t wanna read badly spelled posts or read ideas that you disagree with then don’t. Its simple as that. But don’t get pissed at the people who they belong too. And if were going to bash spelling, we might as well bash your improper use of the – … you should have used a : 🙂
2004-01-25 14:40:16 – The Disco Nova
Randall had the idea that you were a red headed monster. He could of been wrong.
2004-01-25 21:26:06 – realbighead
I just have a well-developed hatred of long comments. Find your own blog, or master the fine art of the one-liner.
2004-01-26 00:36:40 – rand0m
HA! Says you in TWO LINES!
2004-01-26 00:44:34 – The Disco Nova
I’d like to name my own price for your big sweet ass.
2004-01-26 09:14:15 – Netheus
ass u mptions
2004-01-26 10:27:05 – Manny
Damn, where the love at?
2004-01-26 11:03:32 – Joey
. funnyt stuff man . more laundry more more!!
2004-01-26 15:32:20 – xxx
shut up joey.
2004-01-26 15:33:14 – xxx
sorry joey.
2004-01-26 16:06:05 – WC
rofl this place is great. 🙂 .. randal news please 🙂
2004-01-26 16:26:43 – BIGBROTHER
Dear site users, I apologize for what I said. Yes rand0m, you are still a computer geek. But I’m glad you are. Someone has to run this site. A small explanation is in order. I am operating from an isolated system and am not getting all the briefes in proper order. Sombody please tell the .Gov that they have suck ass computer systems. Why does everything have to come in batch file anyway? Anywho, on the day that I posted last I had a real bad day. At work we responded to a domestic disturbance and there was a fatality. I guess that just sort of had my hackles up. I’m guilty as the next person of getting things misinterpreted. You are all right, the wrong thing to do was to whip out the old machine gun and start sumarily popping melons. So in that order to those who deserved it I comment, "na na na na na." To those who didn’t deserve the lash I humbly beg your forgiveness. A special note to rand0m, your still a computer geek. No, seriusly I am really proud of the fact that your skills are formidible. I personaly don’t have great knowledge of computers and have gained what I have though trial and error. Sometimes I really wish that I had more time to get in more training. Most of what I use these infernal machines for are writing stupid reports and cross record searching peoples feloney records. I’m still glad that it has given me the chance to reach out and find you. Also, Nova I’m sorry. Your name wouldn’t come off the wall. I wrote it in indelable marker. I don’t have anything against the bougouiesie. I like that position fondly. Personaly I’m working on getting my limo company back in service as soon as possible. I find that lots of money is very usefull. Although I’m thinking of doing it only part time for a while. Good news along that line! I have a company that wants to fund me $$$$$$$$$$$$ to restart. The bummer part is that they want me to use said $$$$$$$$$$ to produce at least 5 more limos for there private use. This sucks for the simple fact that I will have to pay them back as well as give them lots of free service. Plus they want me to revitalize my casino contracts and hand them over to them. I smell a trap, like yea I get the money then they dump me and keep the contracts while I still have to pay them $$$$$$$. Also I have a question I hope someone has the answer too. Why does chocolate malt-o-meal turn into concrete when you leave it out but turns into an elastic polymer when left in the fridge? I have experimented with the water content and found this not to be a factor. Also It seems that the actual temperature gradiant is also a non issue. I wonder if this material has been duely noted by the engineering cirles of the world. I appears to have certain shape memory capabilities yet reliquifies when microwaved. But at the same time the high setting seems to cause a coagulating effect after the material has sponged up enough radiated energy. I think next I will try taking my short wave radio kit and seeing if bombarding it with a longer wavelength at a higher/lower output range will have a different effect? Question. Is this material still nutritious in this phase or does it reach a point of incompatability with human life through molecular reorganization. Hmm…lets feed the cat. BIGBROTHER
2004-01-26 16:29:34 – rand0m
I can’t believe you eat that shit after being tortured with it for years by mom. $.02 😉
2004-01-26 16:31:50 – BIGBROTHER
Oh SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The cat just barfed up a huge ass leuggy like thing, farted, passed out and died. Oh God, it just exploded!! Oh fuck, how am I going to hide this from my wife?!! Does anybody know a good taxidermist?
2004-01-26 16:37:56 – BIGBROTHER
I just reached a real catharsise. Does this mean that mom is/was really trying to feed us or was there a deeper motive, I.E. Cause us to barf up a leuggy like thing, fart, choke to death and then explode. (the explosion must be from the rapid rise of methane in the gastric system.) That sucks! That sucks almost as bad as all the times mom dragged us screaming for mercy to church. I’m definatly sure there are alterior motives there!.
2004-01-26 16:49:38 – BIGBROTHER
WHOOAAAA! Hey Rando, who is bimmerchick? Man you ain’t old enough to handle that! Hell, I’m not old enough to handle that! On second thought I would like to handle that! Unfortunatly my wife walked in the room just as I brought up that site and I am in trouble. Man you got to be carefull what you gallorize. There are small kids out there that are now stroking the monkey so hard that the friction is gonna’ cripple em’ for life. Now how do you feel knowing that you are responcible for thousands of penisless children with massive crotch burns! No, seriously, if you get a shot, take it. I don’t know anybody that said they wished they had popped less cherrys on there death bed.
2004-01-26 16:51:12 – BB
Oh double SHIT!!! She just found the cat.
2004-01-26 20:33:05 – pinky
::shout out to la reverend:: house plus kitten equals mitten even a dead exploded kitten
2004-01-26 21:56:13 – Netheus
mmmm….. mittens….. and suddenly all those condensing skills from Dr.K’s class mean something to me.
2004-01-27 06:59:31 – Girlie
no, the redheaded monster said nothing this time.
2004-01-27 09:32:51 – The Disco Nova
Then we have no idea who froggie is.
2004-02-04 16:55:13 – Serandipati
Interesting…may just have to stick around to see what your male brain spits out next.