I am just insanely irritable. I don’t know what the hell is going on, but I don’t want to talk to anyone, and I don’t want to do nothing, and I just want to bitch and be mean. I don’t know why. Grrr. [Irritated a lot]. Talked with matt until about 6am this morning. It was good. Found out why some people are fucked up, why others are not quite so. Found out that one of the things I fear the most is getting in a rut; living the work-friends-home cyclical trauma would inspire me to suicide.

I burn inside. I loathe, I growl, I ache. I am tired; I did not sleep last night. My mind. Too fast. No sleep. Not yet. 19 soon. Too soon. Too young, not old yet. [sigh] My Irritation. My Deprecation. Your Masturbation. Horrible cycle. Stop.