Mike, Party, Poker & Smoking … And Humiliation, Thoughts on Self

Hmm, where to start on this one. Lots of things happened recently. I guess I’ll start with the bad news, and then go from there. Bad News: [L=http://shr.elpasoco.com/pressrelease.asp?ID=1139&itla=SHR&selectdept=SHR&selecttime=current&offset=0]Mike Lee[/L]. I have no comment, but I heard through the grapevine that he’s taking classes at PPCC, and gets to enjoy an english class with our good friend Matt Byrne. So some good news. I went bowling last night with a bunch of people I know from real life and a handfull of peeps I know from WoW. We went to Brunswick and all 14 of us had a helluva time. After talking for a while, we decided to head back to our place and do some drinkin. But we decided that only after our friend Eric regalled us with stories about sniffing cocaine off his strippers’ (plural on strippers) breasts. Unfortunately, we had no strippers. Fortunately, he had no crack. So we went to my place. Got to the house and started doing the drinking. I was introduced to a yummy new drink called a Vodka-7, which is comprised of 1 1/2 shots of good quality vodka and a glass of 7-Up. It’s surprisingly smooth and very tasty. So we all were getting lit up when our drunkard of the evening decides that we should all play poker — texas hold’em. So we say OK. So I buy in for $5 (and buy David’s $5 also) and we start playing. Everybody is boasting about how fucking badass they are, blah blah blah. I win the first hand and almost put two people out. The next hand, the Drunkard rapes everybody and gets up to like $15 in chips. Two more hands and the texan is out and David is out (oof, there went my $5!). The Texan buys back in, and after Eric, the Drunkard and myself draw him out, he’s finished again. Then we go to work on the turtle, Mike, who plays super-conservative poker. It only takes a few more hands and he’s out, which leaves it down to drunkard (~$22 by now), me (~$19) and Eric (~$no_idea). We through down and Eric folds right away. I glance over at Drunkard and see him waving around a Jh10d. I look at my cards — QsQc — I got the Drunkard raped. Without seeing the flop, the Drunkard goes all in with his Jack-Ten offsuit. FUCK YEA. I go all in as well, because I’m going to hand his ass to him. Statistically, QQ vs J-10 is like a 65/35 game, which is HUGE in Texas Hold’em. Since we’re all in, the flop comes and it looks like this — 10s-10h-7c-3h-Js. He pulls a fucking showboat of out NOTHING. I lost all my money then, got up, called him one lucky guy and went and had a smoke. I stopped smoking. I don’t know if I mentioned that. I don’t even think many people knew I *did* smoke. 2-3 packs a week, nothing heavy. I bought my last pack on December 27th and finished it in 2 days. I fell really ill after New Years (mentioned below), and decided to stop while I was sick, which I’m told is a good idea — if you’re sick and hating life, why not go all out and stop smoking and hate yourself while you’re at it? So I stopped smoking. I’ve had a couple serious Nic times, but I’ve been pretty strong though. Losing a perfect hand at poker, though, made me burn’em. Since I stopped, though, I have this nagging cough that I have read is perfectly normal and which will stop in a couple weeks (something about extra mucus production due to not-drying-out-lungs from smoking?). I don’t like it though, but this too shall pass. [b]Edit[/b] – I forgot something in the above post, and it’s about my humiliation trifecta for the day, observed while at the Citadel Mall. Scene 1) I’m at hooters, and Matt says he knows one of the waitresses. I thought he was referring to our waitress, so the next time she comes over I say “hey, matt said he knows you”. He says “I wasn’t talking about our waitress” and then I say, while looking directly at our waitress, “oh, then I guess it’s the other one.” Keen replies with “The other ‘one’!?” Hand, meet forehead. Yay for objectifying a very nice, friendly woman while totally not realizing it. *sigh* Scene 2) I normally refrain from bathroom humor, so stop reading this one if you don’t like it. So we finished eating Hooters Wings. Their wings are like a goddamn rotorooter, so I say I need to make a pit stop and put something down on paper. *haha* So we go to Foley’s, and all three of us (Keen, James & I) roll into the bathroom. Keen hits up a urinal, while I open up a stall so I can blow the doors off it. I hear the stall next to me open and close, and I say, quite loudly, “Hey James, you taking a huge poo too?” … *silence*crickets*silence* then I hear Keen say, totally deadpan, “that’s not James.” … More silence as I consider what I’ve just done to this total stranger. Then I hear the stranger’s 3-4 year old son say something, and I about died. So there I am, on the pot, with a total stranger and his kid, completely humiliated. I can’t move, so I just sit there, desperate for them to leave. … And then my cell phone rings! OMFG Keen and James are horrible about that, and it’s so goddamn embarrassing. Man. So finally the guy and his kid leave, I blow the doors down, and all ends well. *WOW* Scene 3) We go to Eddie Bauer so Keen can pickup a bag for his laptop. We’re looking at the bags, and he and I determine that none of the bags on display have laptop sections. I then start talking (loudly) about how my bag has a laptop condom in it. The condom protects it. The condom is good for it when you don’t have anything else to put it in. I turn around, and there is the sales guy, staring at me with this totally dumbfounded look. So I tell him the condom goes in the bag, you know? And then you put it in the condom and it’s safe? None of your bags have padding, so he needs a condom, dig? *Horrified Stare from Salesman* I’m starting to turn red as I slowly tell him that it’s a neoprene-like cover that you put your laptop in for safety when the backpack/bag has no built-in laptop padding. He looked completely mortified. [b]Edit #2[/b] – Recent conversations have determined that I am a complete Nancy for crying my eyes out to RotK. I believe this as well. Additionally, I have realized that I am common, and that is debilitatingly saddening.

2005-01-24 03:55:30 – The Disco Nova
There were other little humiliations for randall, but those are the three big ones. I coined the "Humiliation Trifecta" with inspiration from fark.
2005-01-24 16:29:59 – GrooveMan
I started at Prudential today, it looks like a great opportunity. The President of the company introduced me in the staff meeting as the "Directory of IT" Man I like the sound of that 🙂
2005-01-27 09:35:10 – The Blue Shirt
Wow, nice mall story, I haven’t laughed that hard since Jacob’s remark about furious masturbating at bowling the other nite.