have you ever been going along just fine, when all of a sudden, all the weights that you bear every day just get infinitely heavier? I was driving home tonight, don’t know if it was due to exhaustion or what, but I just cracked. Everything, I mean everything came down on me … how my life is, how I’m not close to getting anywhere, how I’ve affected people, how I’ve changed, what my family thinks of me, the future of other people, everything, it all just came down, and I pulled over and just sobbed. I hate this. I still feel it. Sitting here, I feel compelled to go to everyone I know and apologize and try to make it all right, because I’ve made so much wrong. Even to myself, I want to make everything up. I don’t regret much at all, but I know that some of the things I’ve done are wrong, and it hurts, and I just want to set things straight, but it’s almost impossible, now. II feel worse about the things I haven’t done, the things I didn’t make right when I had the chance, the omissions of doing right. every song on the radio, every car i see, every light, some flashing some just glaring blindingly, it just brings everything back, and it hurts.
I don’t even know where to begin; I want it to stop.