i hate this

have you ever been going along just fine, when all of a sudden, all the weights that you bear every day just get infinitely heavier? I was driving home tonight, don’t know if it was due to exhaustion or what, but I just cracked. Everything, I mean everything came down on me … how my life is, how I’m not close to getting anywhere, how I’ve affected people, how I’ve changed, what my family thinks of me, the future of other people, everything, it all just came down, and I pulled over and just sobbed. I hate this. I still feel it. Sitting here, I feel compelled to go to everyone I know and apologize and try to make it all right, because I’ve made so much wrong. Even to myself, I want to make everything up. I don’t regret much at all, but I know that some of the things I’ve done are wrong, and it hurts, and I just want to set things straight, but it’s almost impossible, now. II feel worse about the things I haven’t done, the things I didn’t make right when I had the chance, the omissions of doing right. every song on the radio, every car i see, every light, some flashing some just glaring blindingly, it just brings everything back, and it hurts.

I don’t even know where to begin; I want it to stop.

2001-08-21 06:33:27 – rand0m
xeon, yes, we know you hate tore. yes, we are proud of your accomplishments. don’t you have your own website? [extremely irritated]
2001-08-21 14:06:03 – Xeon
Lol you posted you last post at 4:22pm .. just thought i’d point that out! :)
2001-08-21 14:20:39 – bastard
Calculus 2 class today. I feel weak. Must… seek… nourishment… beeeer Anyway… I’ll be volunteering as a beer pourer at the micro brew festival downtown this weekend, and next weekend will be crewing on a hot air balloon for the balloon festival. My life is too full for a relationship with a ho. I need somebody actually worth spending my time with, not some raggedy ann doll.
2001-08-21 15:05:43 – rand0m
i might get to crew or ground crew for the gateway balloon at the thing at memorial park … depends on if I sign up … also, i don’t need a woman, it’d just be hella nice if I did. :-/
2001-08-21 16:13:38 – Laura
Randal, you almost sound like you could be in some slit your wrists rock band…but i’ll settle for boy band…hehe
2001-08-21 18:26:31 – Burnz Returnz
Well Jesus. I take a little sabatical from the website and it just goes right to pot. Randal is going to crack up, which is too bad because I like the boy and anything that negatively affects my life should not occur. And it took me like 8 hours to read the posts and the comments…sigh. Fort Collins is great, love it here, fuck the dirty ass springs. Rams rule and all that other "isn’t my town cool?" BS that I don’t mean but say just to abrade someone. Oh, and does anyone down there want some frozen semen? I can’t give the stuff away up here…not like back hom.
2001-08-22 09:43:15 – bastard
What can I say? Burnz is a nay-do-well kid. Just wait. Next, he’ll tell us how he doesn’t smoke anymore and that he rather prefers a clean living and good wholesome entertainment. No more masturbating to cartoons with his brother and father, ohhh noooo. Sitting at the art galleries of Fort Collins, dwelling in the comfort of the modern art masterpieces. Four weeks I give the boy, and then it is up to Fort Collins we must all go to ensnare the poor rat and commit him to heavy drinking and bachanalia. While certainly this will be a arduous task filled with traps and deception, we must give this boy burnz what he deserves. Lust filled indulgence and poor judgement towards alcohol consumed. I pray that we find the courage to accomplish our holy task. Amen!
2001-08-22 10:13:43 – rand0m
considering the amount of money you spend on carpet-care, I don’t think prudent alcohol consumption is your forte. 😉