yea, so it’s fucking 2am and I’m still awake. This place is giving me the fucking shakes — my nerves are on fire every second that I’m awake. My whole trip so far has been on-edge, and extremely not-so-fun. Today was by far the best day, because I saw my immediate family [mom, dad & sis], and my grandparents, and that’s it. No one else. However, the grandparents are a very, very sad story.
My sister got one of her molars pulled. Apparently it was in really bad shape … she was up all night with pain, and went to the dentist today, and they advised to pull it, so they did. She’s miserable. And she whines a lot. Even before the tooth incident, all she did was bitch about how the family treats her like a little kid … my reaction was “only because you allow it.” … it’s very true … I may *be* a little kid [well, not really], but nobody fucks around with me because I’m not going to take their shit … back on track, my sister is a good girl, but she complains a lot about everything. Annoying.
Sitting around talking to Burnz again tonight … pretty sombering. We’re both nearing 20, and we have both realized that we have gone nowhere, and done nothing. We even got into this bullshit little fight about who sucks more … me mentioning the no-license thing, him mentioning his poor webmastering skills … it all kind of shook itself out: we suck, we know it, and to be quite fucking honest, there’s not much we can do about it right now. Sad, depressing, all that other shit.
Update: On another extremely depressing front, reliable word has it that my previous girlfriend thought our whole relationship was, and I quote, “a mistake.” How’s that for a confidence booster, eh?
Update (another one!): Today has been not much better than any other day. I spent most of it stonewalling and trying to keep people’s bullshit out of my face. Went and saw some mormon movie, and it was shit. “other side of heaven” it was called. thought about theatre hopping, but 1) they have tons of people working there, like 1-1 patron/employee ratio and 2) I was in the middle of the fucking row. That was today, for the most part.
I finished both of my books – William Gibson’s Neuromancer and the same’s Burning Chrome – both were very good. I’m going to try and get Fellowship of the Ring done before Christmas. Oh, I hear it’s blizzarding in Co.Springs – it’d be pretty nice to have that here; Utah weather is this light-gray, all the time. There is no sun, there is no snow, just this terrible, heat-sapping light-gray. It’s bad.